by Omer

February 28, 2020

Omer Yucel

One of the biggest changes that you can make in your life is to stop blaming others for what is going on. Growth is in your own hands, never forget this.

Yes, that person may have done something behind your back which caused you to look bad or you didn’t have the support you needed to get through that difficult time or the people around you may not have your best interest at heart, etc etc etc. There are heaps of reasons to look at everyone else other than yourself and place blame upon those people. 

It’s so easy! ‘Well, things didn’t go my way and I clearly saw why it didn’t work out, such and such person did or didn’t do this or that. I’m sweet, none of it is my fault, it just didn’t work out because of other people.’

It makes sense, the concept of blaming others for everything that happens may seem comforting as you never need to take on the pain of failure, but it actually incapacitates you. It disables you, if you will. Because suddenly, the ‘blaming others’ options which is so comfortable, is preventing you from moving forward or growing. 

Every single time you blame someone else for a problem, you hold yourself back from learning. You need to experience the loss or the pain or take on the error yourself to be able to look at it from a perspective that allows you to grow. Or else, you’re just going onto your next thing without learning a single thing. Who you were before this failure, is exactly who you still are moving onto your next challenge.

Now, of course, it sounds negative to say ‘I’m going to take the blame for everything’ as the term ‘blame’ is pretty negative in and of itself, but let’s try to re-word it; No matter what happens, whether it’s my fault or not, whether I’ve made a mistake or not, I’m going to constructively criticise myself for what’s happened to see if I have made a mistake and if I need to do something better next time.

A growth mindset is, whenever someone criticises you, even if you know the criticism to be incorrect, you analyse it and wonder if there may be any truth at all in the criticism to see if you have areas you need improvement in. Essentially, the criticism may have come from a bad place (the person may not be saying it to help you improve, but to put you down) but you look at it in a way to make yourself better.

It’s so much easier said than done, but over time it definitely becomes easier. Because you start to look at yourself more and more, rather than looking at what negative intention someone may have when they speak. Almost disconnecting yourself from other people’s opinions of you, but not entirely of course.

About the author 

Omer